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Monday, August 27, 2007 |
The family celebrated Little Man's birthday over the weekend. I can't believe he's twelve already. I could have sworn it was just yesterday when he was a little toddler pouncing along by my side as we vacationed in Vietnam, always asking if he could sleep next to me. I swear, he's one of the kindest hearted kids I know. When I left him a message earlier in the week asking him what he'd like for his birthday, I got a voicemail back from him telling me that I had already done enough for him this past year and that I didn't need to get him anything. What kind of twelve year old kid says that? Every tike I know would be jumping on the opportunity to ask for gifts, myself included when I was that age. He's sweet. USC football will be starting soon so maybe I'll have him over to watch it over some Man Chicken again. That should be fun.
jasers24: is it wrong to want to divorce ur husband?
vlea95: techincally no, but i don't believe in it. marriage should be permanent
vlea95: but i understand not everyone thinks that way
jasers24: i think a lot of ppl think that way when they get married or b4 they get married
jasers24: obviously the majority though change their mind
vlea95: yeah, and that's sorta what's wrong with the world
jasers24: not everyone works out..its a fact of life
vlea95: i guess i'm just naive that way
jasers24: are you telling me that if you were in an unhappy marriage, you would not get a divorce just because you think marriage shoudl be permanent?
vlea95: i would try and address the issue of why we're unhappy, rather than just giving up
vlea95: you wouldn't give up on your kids, why would you give up on your significant other
jasers24: i think most ppl do try to work it out
vlea95: i think people use divorce as an excuse to give up
vlea95: like i said, if you don't give up on your kids, why on your sig other
jasers24: i think some do yeah, but if you fall out of love, then you do
jasers24: you can't stop loving your kids....you brought them into this world, so you have a responsiblity to them
jasers24: so i think that's a little diff
vlea95: not really, it's all perspective
vlea95: if you believe love with your wife should be unconditional, you make it so
jasers24: its a 2 way thing..if your wife stops loving you, nothing you can do
vlea95: well that's what i mean. people use it to give up. if my wife thought the same way i did, then we would never have that problem
jasers24: sometimes things just dont' work out..d.oesn't mean ppl give up or are using it as an excuse
jasers24: i'm sure many pppl try to work it out...just doesn't happen that way
jasers24: my friend is seeing a marriage counselor, but not working otu
vlea95: it still stems from the mind set that if it fails, you can leave. if you enter marriage knowing that it's for life, then you'd take it more seriously
vlea95: divorce would be like giving up on your kids for me, so it's tougher to accept
jasers24: so ur saying no matter what you'd not divorce even if u were not happy?
vlea95: prolly
vlea95: no one's saying that marriage is easy, but i think there isn't a problem you can't work out together, as long as you were truly in love when you two got together
vlea95: people rush into marriage too much and realize later on that they really aren't that committed to being with the other person
jasers24: i think thats more the problem than the giving up on a marrigage.....i don't know that most ppl who get married are truly in love
vlea95: that's my point
Hombre and I had this interesting chat the other day on divorce, and I thought it worthy of documenting. I know I live in this fantasy world, one where I'll spend the rest of my life loving the person I marry. But how realistic is that though? How I long for that someone who'll believe in the same set of beliefs that I do.
This conversation led into a funnier one in where we debated which of us would spoil a girl more. Needless to say, that's me. Here's the weird thing though. I told Hombre that I wish I could just stop by her work and drop of some Starbucks, just a nice refreshing break in her day. He replied that at this point, she already knows I like her so why bother trying to impress her? It's all on her. And I guess that's the huge difference between me and practically every other guy on this planet. I don't think of using my lunch break to bring her a treat as a means to impress her. I merely want to brighten her day and bring a smile to her face. To let her know that someone is thinking of her you know? Is that so bad? It sucks that I can't simply be sincere without having some ulterior motive. Besides, shouldn't impressing be about my character rather than what I have or what I do for her?
Ooooh, looks like I'm off to Chicago for a weekend getaway next month. It should be tight visiting my childhood and reliving old memories. Now I'll see if it was really that nice or was it mere nostalgia.
Work was pretty blah. Best thing that happened is that I get funny remarks when I wear my USC shirt. After work, we all headed to Mosun for some early week sushi. Not bad. Definite date place for those of you interested. It's so funny how I discovered that place. When I told the guys, we all had a good laugh. Still, felt kind of bad for Janet though. She was an awesome girl. It's a shame we just couldn't stay friends.
I came home to discover that Katelynn and Kenneth are spending the night at my house. Made me remember how Thu always calls her nephew and nieces the ugly ducklings. Funny girl. Hola! =) Yeah my niece is adorable, but man she's gonna be trouble one day. Way too prissy for her own good, especially at five!
Anyone getting up early to watch the total lunar eclipse? I want to, but I also have to wake up at 6 and hit the gym. I swear I was so dizzy this morning I thought I was going to collapse. Sad. Good night.
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Friday, August 24, 2007 |
Damn it, I hate my work. Well, not always, but sometimes the little stuff pisses me off so much. I usually don't respond to any e-mails over the weekend, but I just sent off a pretty short snapping one to my boss in response to one he just sent me. I had to do it, it couldn't wait.
I know what I'm doing damn it. These are the damn procedures... they're established and been proven to work best for every one involved and not just you and me. So please don't go criticizing it just because it seems annoying to you that we have to do a certain bureaucratic step every time. If it's annoying for you, think how annoying it is for me. Trust me, I didn't make up these stupid steps and it'd be a hell a lot easier for me to just say fuck it and go on without approval, but in the end, if I did what you wanted without getting written authorization, the only person who'll end up getting bitten in the ass is me. So lay off. Please! I know what the hell I'm doing.
Man, the work isn't challenging, the leaders lack vision, and they're completely wasting my talents. God, sometimes I question why I'm still there. One of these days, something trivial is going to break the camel's back. I know it.
Hell, don't mind me. I guess I've been in a short mood all of today. Things haven't gone as hoped and frankly, I'm surprised that it's upsetting me this much so soon. What ever happened to controlling my own emotions?
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Tuesday, August 21, 2007 |
I call it "Fantasy." When you are in the Fantasy trap, you want to believe that someone is into you but are just having a problem expressing it. You make up all kinds of excuses, like "she is shy, she is scared " and look for hints that she is into you. But you ignore the clear signs that she does not.
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It may have been her decision, but it was her mistake, not seeing you for what you are. It was her loss. And it'll be the biggest mistake of her life.
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So are you seeing anyone now? No? How is that even possible!?
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Monday, August 20, 2007. An awesome finish to an awesome week... and a wonderful start that brings a genuine smile to my face and fills my heart with high hopes. Life can be good sometimes, yes?
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Sunday, August 12, 2007 |
Kick ass weekend! No time to update just yet since I need to get into work super early tomorrow so I can leave by lunch, but just wanted to say, kick ass weekend!
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Wednesday, August 8, 2007 |
I was sitting in yet another meeting today, when near the end of it, one of the researchers was promoting this new online barcode specimen tracking and printing system that was going to be extremely beneficial for large multi-center studies. What the heck? *I* developed that. It took me a mere day after others suffered for months to no avail, and yet did I get any credit during that meeting? Nope. Lame. Still, I've learned from my past mistakes now. For all my latest projects, I've been dealing directly with the various people in charge. No more of this anonymously helping out crap. They need to start seeing who's the one tackling all the hard problems around here and who's really just dealing with the mundane and simple stuff and then asking me for help on the rest. I know there's no I in team, but there's definitely a me and it's about time that I get credit where it's deserved.
I was out at dinner with M tonight and saw this girl that reminded me so much of MCAT Girl. I told him that she resembled Thuy, and so the rest of the night, we'd periodically glance over at her table. Kinda cute, kinda hot. I wonder how she looks now. I can't believe it's been well over six months since I last saw her.
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Tuesday, August 7, 2007 |
| I talked to my old coworker Celeste today. Wow, I haven't heard from her in ages and we both agreed that it's been something like five years or so. It was good to catch up with an old friend and to see how her life has progressed. In the blink of an eye, things change so much don't they? She's the mother of two beautiful girls now, and when she showed me their pictures, I gasped at how fast time as flown by. Little Zoe has grown into an adorable little girl entering the first grade. I still remember seeing pictures of her right after she was born. And Mia is a splitting image of Zoe when she was that age. Very cute.
So Celeste is working at USC now as the instructional manager of the molecular biology labs. She laughed at me for my exuberance over a school that I never attended, and we had a good time reminiscing over our pasts. I'm glad that everything turned out well for her. I always liked her and was sad that we lost touch over the years. She was the one that helped console me when my ex cheated on me and the only one at work that understood as I was suffering through the tedious days in that pathology lab.
Later on, she was the one that helped me with suggestions when I was looking for MCAT Girl years ago, and in fact she was the one that recommended that I write a hand written letter rather than impersonally typing one. It's kind of befitting that I talked to her actually, for she was there at the beginning of it all, and now again at the end when I'm forced to let go.
I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be in love. They say that if you truly love someone, you have to let them go. So... if I claim I love her so much, why do I find it so difficult to let her go?
Why can't I just let go?
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Sunday, August 5, 2007 |
Isn't this picture of Innerspark and her boyfriend absolutely adorable? She threw him a surprise party before leaving for pharmacy school. So sweet. Must be nice to have a doting girlfriend like that. It's been a long while since I've felt that loved.
I drove up to LA to visit Sr. for her birthday today. We at brunch at the Twin Palms, along with Jr. and Hombre, in Old Town Pasadena. Afterwards, we headed across the street so that she could show me her newly constructed condo that she and Robert bought together. It's nice and cozy, though I don't think I could ever get used to living in LA. After getting the tour of her place, we trekked up and down Colorado Blvd into the various stores along the street. I did like how everything was within walking distance though. Kind of like Westwood. It's a weird feeling, just being able to jot down to the corner and go into Crate and Barrel or Cheesecake Factory without the need to get in your car and drive for a bit.
I don't know why but I've been in a real home decoration mood lately. I feel the need to do some furniture shopping as well as looking for more pieces of art to decorate my place. I think it's because this place doesn't really feel quite mine yet until I start filling it with furniture of my own. Off hand, I think I need a dining table, a living room set, a couple of tables and cabinets, and a new bedroom set. Besides Crate and Barrel, I've also been into Macy's Home, Pottery Barn, Z Gallarie, and countless gift shops. Weird.
I was at South Coast yesterday doing some shopping with M when we decided to stop by Lalique and visit C. Needless to say, she was pretty happy and surprised. She's totally up in his grill after all! While I was browsing the store looking for said home decorations, I saw this beautiful crystal Buddha, priced at $12,000. It totally called to me, but man, that's quite pricey, even by my high standards.
Speaking of my high standards, I was looking at the necklaces there and was drawn to these crystal heart ones, to which C replied I have good taste. When I asked how much, she said $175, which I thought wasn't bad at all and said that it would make a perfect "just because" gift. They both laughed at me, with M pointing out my inherit flaw of always spoiling those whom I love.
Oh, I got to finally see the Lladró Passionate Lovers piece that I saw in Spain firsthand. $2000. That or a big screen high definition television. Really puts it in perspective doesn't it? At least Wonderful Angel is relatively cheap at $500. Not sure if I like the matte finishes though. I think I prefer gloss. Oh well, we'll see.
Lots to do this week, and though I'm stretched beyond thin, I need to get a lot accomplished if I'm really going to take a few days off next week. At least I'll be working indoors where it's nice and air conditioned. I hate this heat. Makes me sleepy.
I was thinking why I seem to be attracted to Catholic girls so much. It dawned on me, is it because Catholics take marriage so seriously? That marrying someone is forever and there's no such thing as divorce. I really like that.
I miss Thuy.
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