Have any of you seen the trailer for The Last Kiss? The last movie I saw with Zach Braff was Garden State, which I thought was a great movie, and I left very impressed with this young actor. And now when I see this movie, it looks quite interesting as well. For some reason, it really speaks to me, and I'll definitely make plans to go see it. A couple of quotes screamed out at me as I was watching it.

You're going to be wondering in 20 years, why didn't I do something exciting with my life?

I find that when I look back over the past few years, it seemed like it all flashed by in an instant. I was sitting there thinking this morning that it's almost been a year since I found out about you. Where did all that time go? Where are we now and where will we be a year from now? Time is racing by us, and each moment that passes is just another opportunity that we will never get back. And before you know it, 20 years will have passed. What then? I wonder what will I have to look back on and smile about?

The world is moving so fast now that we start freaking out way before our parents did, because we don't ever stop to breath anymore.

I think every person in their life hits this point where they start questioning things. What type of person have we become? Have me made all the correct choices in life? Where do go from here and what type of life do we want to live? I must admit that I've grown more and more introspective through the years as I question my progression into adulthood. I find myself second guessing some of the paths I've taken and worrying about the future.

But that's the problem isn't it? If you spend too much looking into the past or worrying about the future, you forget to enjoy the present, the moment that you're living in. The journey isn't about looking back on where you've been or hoping towards the future, but enjoying where you currently are, right?

I can constantly beat myself up over about missed opportunities, and I can constantly wonder about if we'll ever be anything more than friends, but then I'd lose sight of the most important thing in my life right now: the fact that you're in it. That even though I don't get to see you and hear from you as often as I like, you're still here, and you're an ever important aspect of my life.

I swear, when I'm with you, it seems like I'm living a dream. Can you see how I gaze at you with so much love in my eyes? Do you see how I follow your every movement, giving you all my attention, unable to let go? How I longingly look at you as if nothing else in the world exists or even matters, completely lost in the moment? You must be able to see how obviously you affect me... I wonder if you realize how passionately I care for you and want to be with you?

Every little thing you do is so simplistically beautiful. I find your little nuances so endearing and adorable. I see you, watching me back, knowing that I'm looking at you. I can see out of the corner of your eye that you know you have my full attention. Are you toying with me? I can only smile. The more I look at you, the harder I fall.

You are so beautiful!

We sit there and I'm given the opportunity to just talk to you, to be able to concentrate on only you. Everything about you is perfect, from your eyes to your hair to your skin. And I don't even need to mention your unbelievable figure. In fact, there isn't any one thing about you that I would wish differently, and the more I get to look at you, the more I see you as absolutely stunning. How can any one person look so radiant? So attractive? So sexy?

Don't you think it's funny that you think that I'm attracted to you based purely on your personality when all it seems I write about on this site is how beautiful you are?

*Sigh* It's hard being in love with one of your best friends, isn't it?

Hello everyone. I hope you all had a pleasant weekend. The heat has been sweltering with temperatures around the country hitting a miserable 90+ degrees. I hate this heat. I find myself unproductive and irritable. So how was my weekend you ask? Let me see if I can recant.

I spent Friday night hanging out with Playa and G before having to drive up to LA to pick up my sister. M called me up when I got home and we hit up Tastea to get some drinks before cruising around a bit and just talking about some of the stuff going on in our lives. Seems like we all have our issues don't we? It was good just relaxing and unwinding.

On Saturday, I took the family and some cousins to the Orange County Fair. I'm usually not really into fair rides, but I felt I needed a little adrenaline boost so I got on one of the rides that proceeded to invert and flip everyone, exposing us to what seemed like several G's at one point. I swear I felt my eyes recede back into their sockets and when I got off the ride, I was still dizzy and disoriented, and the pressure in my head felt really thick. All in good fun eh? We also ate a mother load and saw the Peking acrobats perform. Kind of like a poor man's version of Cirque Du Soleil, but it was all good. Lifehouse is coming to the fair this Wednesday, but unfortunately I couldn't find anyone to go with me, and so I probably won't go see them.

Yesterday I had dinner with the extended family at my uncle's restaurant before driving my sister back up to LA. As I sat there, I realized that my family is growing smaller and smaller by the day. Everyone is busy doing their own thing, and others have moved away in search of their own life. I wonder sometimes if I should have left a long time ago, how different my life would have turned out.

As you can see, my weekend was quite eventful, and yet through it all, I still felt as if something were missing. Actually, I know what it was that was bothering me, and it was not hearing from you. It's a lonely feeling really, to have gone from such high several months ago to the point of where I am now. I keep telling myself that I need to get back to that stage in my life where I was able to just be happy for you and not let any of my personal feelings about us get me down. Sometimes I wonder why I let things affect me so. With anyone else, I'd feel confident and sure of myself, realizing that I have so much to offer. I'm loving, caring, and though I can't offer the world, I'm pretty well stable. And yet with you, I constantly feel like I'm coming up short, that I need to try harder, and I shouldn't really be feeling that way, right? Maybe I should take that as a sign and move on, to be the friend that you want me to be, but like I keep asking myself, how can I when you're always on my mind and have been for so long now?

I just finished reading Vanished by Karen Robards. The story is about a mother who is suffering from having her daughter abducted. That was 7 years ago and during that time, she's become best friends with an FBI agent who was helping her locate her daughter. Out of the blue, one day she receives a phone call, and on the other end is the voice of her daughter exactly like she sounded the day she was kidnapped, asking her to rescue her. What proceeds is a fairly interesting thriller as she and he try to piece together what is happening, albeit with a slightly disappointing conclusion. One of the better books I've read recently, but not overly memorable.

I did however read a quote that I thought was utterly honest and brutal, and describes my feelings so well. The FBI agent has spent all this time as the mother's friend, and even though he's wanted to take the relationship further, she can't see him as anything else. Gee, rings a bell doesn't it? Anyway, I really liked this passage:

Fool, he told himself. Because that's what he'd always privately thought about men who hankered after women who didn't want them. He'd seen plenty of them in the course of his work as a private investigator, men in the throes of divorce who were still in love with their wives, other men who couldn't believe that the cutie they were canoodling with was just after their money or was canoodling with somebody else on the side, all sorts of lovesick idiots making themselves crazy over that one woman they thought they just had to have. That he'd wanted to say to each and every one was: There are plenty of fish in the sea. Get over it and move on. Now his lack of sympathy and fellow felling were coming back to bite him in the ass. There might be lots of fish in the sea, but this was the only one he wanted. Mine, he thought as she paused in the doorway to shoot him a quick smile. And I don't mean as best friends, either. But that was all she was offering.

I haven't been feeling well lately. I considered calling in sick today, but in the end, I didn't. I thought about you a lot today. I haven't heard from you in a while, I wonder what's up in your life.

I really miss you.