So what have I been doing this past weekend besides recuperating from brain freeze out? Sleeping obviously. Eating most definitely. Watching movies and playing games of course. And the weirdest thing... programming. Yep, I wait and I wait all semester to get out of school, and I only have one week before summer school starts so what do I do? I sit down and read up on how to create games and computer graphics. Such a nerd I am, no shame no shame! I'm almost done with my first game and maybe when I am, I'll post it here and you people can tell me what you think.

I saw on M's page a comment about putting in the extra effort trying to get the exact bread that a girl likes. I did that for my beloved MCAT Girl! Ah, memories... I hope wherever she is she's happy and whoever she's with is treating her well,

Life goes on. In case anyone's wondering, no, I didn't get around to asking L out. For some reason, the timing didn't feel right, and so I ended up being a goober and let her pass.

So how many of you out there believe in soul mates? I used to believe in all that mumbo jumbo until so many people that I loved turned around and bit me right in the butt! And now that I think about it logically, soul mates can't exist. Want to know why? To have someone meant only for another person would mean that the world's population would have to be exactly 50 50, which it is not. Now allowing for gays and lesbians, then the off balance can be explained, but what if the population of the world is odd? That means someone out there is forced to be alone. Kind of like going to Disneyland with an odd number of people. Who's gonna be your partner on Space Mountain? And I seriously doubt that the world's population is specifically even.

Now that summer's here, maybe I'll finally get around to finishing up this site! You know, finish up the miscellaneous sections and stuff. By the way, M and I went to Disneyland to chill the other day. Pretty fun, I'll post some pics. Later though, it's time for bed now. 4:13 in the morning, hehehe. Hey Karen! OK, Insomniac out.

Next. You complain and complain about how people are so shallow, yet you only notice the tall, dark, and handsome types. How many of you would ever give a short bald and fat guy a chance? I mean come on, all I hear from you girls regarding us guys is totally superficial! How tall we are, how much we make, what car we drive, etc. So what? Does the school I go to or the GPA I hold a true reflection of the character that I am? Just because a guy is filthy rich and extremely pretty looking doesn't make him a nice guy. Hypocritical sign #2.

Finally. You complain and complain about how guys don't listen. It's all your fault for picking the insincere guys in the first place! You get what you pay for I always say. And moreover, I wonder, have you ever listened to what we have to say for once? I'll be anyone a thousand dollars that my so called friends don't even know what it is that I do. What makes a girl any different? Heck, you're already planning your next sentence as we're telling you about our day. Hypocritical sign #3.

There, just three reasons why I think girls suck. And you know what else? It's always the nice guys that get hurt. Inherently, nice guys listen. We care and respect what you have to say. And how do we get repaid? You break our hearts. You yourselves yell at us, get angry over little things, don't pay attention to our feelings, and all in all take us extremely for granted. Do you think playas out there feel pain? Heck no. They'd be out trying to find a replacement already. So in the end, it's the nice guy that feels the most pain. Kind of ironic I think. By caring so much, you're opening yourself up to be hurt. Why even bother then?

I heard a quote once that a person who loves you will never make you cry. Would you ever want to make the person you love cry? Hell no. Now think about how many people you've brought to tears. That's right... booyah! Girls suck!

The next time something goes wrong, stop man hating and take a long hard look at yourself! I'll bet anything that the better guy was there all along but you were just too dang dense to see it!

My review will come later. Anyway, it's Finals time and we all know what that means. Yep, time for me to start cramming. Had my first of four this morning, and I got my grade already! Second highest in the class whoo hoo! One down, three to go. But boy do I look scruffy. I have this superstition of not shaving during Finals week, like its the source of all my powers! Since I didn't shave, like usual I saw L today. Inspiration before the test =) Anyway, can't write too much because I really should be studying so I'll just pass on these quotes that I've read recently.

• It's better to lose your pride to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of pride.
• Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you and yet you can never have them?
• Have you ever wondered which hurts the most; saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing and wishing you had?

I saw the news today. Leyna Nugyen is so pretty =) Successful too! You go my fellow Viet Gal! Make us proud =)

Anyway there was a story on Vegas strip clubs, Playboy Playmates, Teen Modeling, Summer Bikinis, Porn Websites, and Anna Kournikova's layout in Penthouse. I love the news =) But what the heck is with Penthouse apologizing to Anna because they made a mistake and it's not her? So they're saying it's ok to post nude photos of her without her consent, but they feel bad because it's not her? That's pretty messed up!

Drivers in So Cal suck big time. They think that just because they drive a big ol BMW or SUV that they own the road! I nearly got hit like 4 times today. And you know what always happens, they realize how stupid their driving is, so they don't even have the guts to drive by and apologize. Instead, they slow down to 40 miles an hour, nearly causing another accident with the cars behind them. Damn drivers... And what's with all the street racing? Just because I drive an Accord doesn't mean I'm about to go head to head with you and burn up my tires. What's the dang rush anyway, so you can beat me to the next red light?

At school I saw L today, and yep, she definitely has changed somehow. Maybe her hair is different or something, I don't know, but I really thought she looked pretty. I don't think I've ever noticed her lips before, or how red they are. I had a quick couple of words with her, like asking her when finals were over for her and stuff. Like the goober I am though, I left it as that and walked away. How cheesy. Then again, what could I do? It's finals and everyone seems to be stressing and cramming, except for me of course.

I didn't feel like doing any work, so I got online instead hoping some friends would be there. First up was JS. She was at home evidently and so we just started rambling. All of a sudden, I get some punk ass, sick ass, lame ass pervert talking all vulgar and crude trying to IM me. And all this online Spam and solicitation is just sick! His name was Josh. If I ever get my hands on him, I'm going to break of his you know what! Why are there so many horny perverts running around the net? What's with all the pedophilia and the hitting on innocent girls? I mean I could have been a child for all he knew! Closing the window wasn't enough, I ended up having to block his sorry ass. Damn, wish I could have sent him a virus that would blow his hard drive! Hmmm... I see a summer project =) Dang, things like that get me so mad... Have you heard about that UCI guy that raped a girl he met online? Thank goodness they caught that crazy ass. If it were up to me, he'd hang. By the balls. Yeah, don't piss me off, especially about such simple things like decency and respect! Don't people ever realize that it's another human being that they're hurting?

So now I'm feeling really bad. Then I saw E was online, and I figured what the heck, might as well introduce myself. So then I started talking to her. This must have been around 4 when we started talking, and I must have lost track of time, because before you know it, it was 6 and time for class. During our chat, I was smiling and laughing, and felt whole heartedly good for once today. Yep, I can honestly say that talking to her was the best thing that happened to me today, and cheered me up big time! It was pleasant enough to make forget the rest of the whole pathetic day!

Alright, time to focus and get some work done. One more week!

There was a problem in the labs today. The printers wouldn't work and so I had to get the techs to come check it out. I asked JS to go and ask for help. Being a cute girl, I felt she could get faster help than if a big lug like me where to go ask. Right as rain, within 5 minutes, she returned with who else? None other than Big D. And when I asked her about it, she told me that she spoke with "No Shoes", but Big D interfered and volunteered instead. What a sicko. And you know what else? He couldn't even fix it, so that in the end, "No Shoes" had to come back down. What a loser!

I spent a lot of the day helping JS with her project. Aren't I nice? Yeah right, like that's my altruistic deed for the day, eh? Anyway, we talked about her ex, and how he annoys her so much, yet she keeps thinking about him. See? Girls are obviously attracted to the bad boys. If I ever wanted a girl, I should definitely go ghetto! Speaking of which, I haven't shaved in 5 days and damn am I scruffy.

Damn Mavericks lost today. That was an awesome series. I would have liked to see that series go 7, just for the sheer entertainment value. All the other games are so boring!

Ok, I doubt anyone ever reads my page, but let me give a few hollers since I'm in a mental freeze out right now and lack anything of substance to write. Shouts out to my bumming buddy Moo and his bunny buddy from down under, K from USC - hope you're feeling better, Johnny who's trying out for Asia, Jailbait who'll send me to jail, Z you crazy girl, I told you so, Vid Girl who bought Condor Heroes before me, *argg*, and JS who owes me "one THOUsand dollars." (small pinky points at lower lip). Oh yeah, M, you owe me like 5 thou now. Pay up!

Remember my stepbrother with no responsibilities? His idea of a good Mother's Day was buying some frozen lasagna and heating it up! Can you believe how lame that is? Once again, it was up to me to do what's

Growing up was pretty tough. My mom was pretty hard on me. Even though I know it's for my own good, I think it's unfair sometimes. I wasn't allowed to date while growing up. Heck, I didn't even have a girl call my house until I was in college. I had to keep my first girlfriend secret from my family. Curfews were early and I wasn't allowed out on weekdays. As a kid, I had to go to sleep at 9 and I couldn't watch R rated movies. I had to get straight A's or it was a spanking. All and all, my upbringing was much more stringent than those around me. And all that I learned was that which I taught myself. Art. Karate. Piano. Obviously being a single parent, she couldn't spoil me like she wanted to. And because of it, I've become more appreciative of what I have and seek to learn and get everything on my own, rather than have it handed to me. I'm always prodding my nose in things and places where it doesn't belong. I guess that's why I've developed this Renaissance Man image. If someone needs something, they ask me my advice, even they and I both know I have no idea how to do it!

On a side note, why is that people assume I know all there is to know about computers? Do you go up to a physician in family practice and ask him to do brain surgery? Or do you ask a mathematician to do your accounting papers? Or an engineer to change your transmission? Well, for some reason, I've been labeled he who knows all when it comes to C.S., for better or for worse.

Anyway, back on track. That which does not kill us only makes us stronger and because of my upbringing, I like to think I'm a better person. I guess having the pressure of becoming a doctor by both my mom and my external family was too much. I lived by so many rules throughout high school, and even now!

Only now, my sister is in high school, and to me, my mom is so much easier on her than she was with me! Isn't that favoritism? Just because I'm a boy and because I'm the responsible one? She's going to prom next week, something I couldn't have because I wasn't allowed to date. My sister got to go to dances since junior high, whereas my first dance was my freshman year in college. She gets to talk to guys, sometimes as late as midnight. I couldn't talk to anyone, guys nor girls, after 9. She gets to go out and stay out late. I was expected to be home by 10. She wears makeup and jewelry, takes dance class and piano class, and gets to hang out with friends. Why the double standard? Aren't girls supposed to be more protected because they're more naive? My sister is more afraid of me than she is of my parents!

I saw her wearing something hoochie today and pointed it out to my mom. She said that it's what girls do now and I shouldn't care about it. Where was this attitude back in my day? I still remember my mom getting upset with me for just wearing a necklace! Now forget the double standard and let's just focus on the reasoning. Just because that's what every girl is doing doesn't mean it's a good thing. I mean if all girls started going around butt naked, should she be allowed? Anyway, just because she's a girl doesn't give her the right to be prissy and spoiled. Heck, it's because she's spoiled that she's so dependant on everyone. She's never had any household responsibilities! And whereas I taught myself everything that I know both in school and out, including reading and writing Vietnamese, she gets handed everything. She always asks for help without trying to solve it on her own. How on Earth are you supposed to develop your skills if you're always dependant upon another person, right? Just recently, my mom wanted her to go to Vietnamese school to learn how to read and write, but she cried her way out of it. What the heck? Back in my day, I would have been spanked till the chopstick broke for being so disrespectful! Nowadays, kids barely get yelled at! I just want my sis to be raised properly, that's all. Anyway, just more support for my argument that all girls are spoiled and fickle.

I got a call from my uncle last night. He's been trying to set me up with this girl at our Temple, but I haven't gone in over a month. Before you jump to conclusions, no, she's not ugly and that's why I don't go. In fact, she's very pretty. And off hand, she seemed very nice and polite too. I can definitely see myself pursuing a girl like her. But for some reason I don't. Maybe it's because I see an aura of high maintenance about her. Or a sense of prissiness emulating from her body. The way she stands, the way she talks, it's like she knows she's cute and she's playing with you. I don't like that. Where's the sincerity? Where's the love without the mind games? That's what I'm looking for!

I saw her in my room. We were working on some project, and Phone Guy was there too. I guess we were working as a group. I whisper to him quietly that I think I'm falling for her. As I get up to go to my computer, I see him mouth to her that I'm in love with her, to which she smiles and gives me a quick glance. Next thing I know, he's gone, replaced by my usual group of friends, and we're at someone's house. Whose I do not know, but I remember that Mack Daddy offered to take her home. Funny thing is, after she leaves, I check my calculator and there was a message for me in there. Before I could read it, there she is again. She smiles at me and asks if I could take her home because it's pretty far. We get in my car and she tells me that when she was with Mack Daddy, she spilled her coffee all over his seat and he was upset. New car I guess =) But I remember thinking to myself that it was so typical. Girl makes the mess, doesn't clean it up, and poor guy gets the short end of the stick.

That's when I woke up. What on Earth could it possible mean, or was it just meaningless?

In fact, I was woken up by an argument between my stepbrother and stepfather. My stepfather only has his best interests in hand, but the guy can't see it. I swear, he's over 30 already, with no stable job, living on a bed in the family room. At what point does a person start bearing responsibilities? And my sister, dang she gets a way with so much more than I ever did at that age. My sister is the youngest, and thus spoiled. She's approaching 17 and she doesn't have any household duties except washing the dishes. I swear, I'm the one that does everything around here. If something needs to be done, I'm the one called upon by my parents. Why is that? Shouldn't the eldest son be the dependable one?

It's ok though. I wouldn't trust anyone else anyway. My siblings don't even have enough skill to keep the bathroom clean, how can they possibly be dependable? It's just hard sometimes when my life gets so bogged down to have to deal with even more. Which is harder, to depend upon somebody, or to be depended upon?

The same goes with school. I end up doing the whole workload because I can, both physically and mentally. Sometimes I feel like life's unfair that way. No one's perfect though. I have my faults. I got to write a list of them one day.

Anyway, I'm rambling now. So what should I do with L? What does it mean when I dream about her, and in that single dream she's both pretty and obnoxious at the same time? I must say guys are dumb. Women can manipulate us to do anything.

Yep, woman loves man. Dumb. I say man loves woman back, even dumber! Ha Ha, yep I'm bitter =)

So why is that girls always complain that guys are unwilling to commit? And yet when I ask my female friends about my situation, they tell me to just go out and date and not care about the long term. Isn't that being hypocritical? But then again, girls are hypocritical! They complain about guys being unfaithful when the vast majority of them have broken up with their boyfriends with thoughts of pursuing or going with another guy! They want equality, all this feminine rights stuff, yet they expect us to open doors, pay for dinner, and basically treat them like a queen or princess or whatnot. And they don't believe you if you tell them that you love them and they're beautiful, yet if you don't tell them, they think you don't care. See? Screwed either way! I should retire and go become a monk!

Speaking of which, I was thinking of growing a beard and/or moustache. What do you think? Insomniac out.

I remember one time M and I were out shopping. We walked into this aisle and the BO ranked so hard that we had to run out of there. Even when we were outside, in the so called fresh California air, M was still choking. I shudder just remembering how bad it was.

Time to cheer myself up. Isn't Lana Lang cute? For those of you who don't know, she's half Chinese. As usual, I'm always one to support my fellow Asians =)

I went to the theater today to try and get Star Wars tickets for the digital projection screen. In case you didn't know, Episode 2 was filmed entirely using digital cameras and without film. So in a sense, it's like the Toy Story movies. Anyway, there are about 80 DLP (Digital Light Projector) equipped cinemas across the US. Only 27 are fully equipped and approved by LucasFilm, and luckily, the theater close to my house has one. The difference is amazing, like watching a DVD compared to a VHS! Anyway, while I was there, I saw tents, sleeping bags, televisions, videogames, and whatnot all lined up. Can you believe how crazy that is? I mean they already bought the tickets. Why the need to camp out? Oh, I did see a very nice life-size Natalie Portman cut out though. Maybe I'll try and get a picture of her up here sometime. She's so cute!

Unfaithful comes out tomorrow. Yet another movie about how women betray the men that love them!

Do things happen in life for a reason? Did I lose him to show me the reality of life and how painful it can be? And my regrets, are they there to show me how to appreciate the moment and not let a moment slip by?

And how fair is it to my future girlfriend if I love her with all I can give, and yet there is still a place in my heart that she can never enter? At times I think life is unfair that way. That we are actually in Hell now because in the end, all that we love and grow to cherish will be ripped from us?

I caught Felicity for the first time in years today. Evidently, she's still bouncing back and forth between Ben and Noel. I hate that. Why must girls always leap frog and choose between guys, as if they were outfits? I see Joey doing this on Dawson's Creek too. There's something so wrong about that, but then again, I'm living in the wrong era. I should go back to medieval times, where my lady in waiting will be longing for her knight in shining armor and we'll live happily ever after. Not nowadays though. Sadly, there is to be no Queen for Gondor.

Honestly, I don't think she's a beautiful person. I mean she's cute, I'll give her that, and on certain days, she's pretty. But I hesitate to call her beautiful. In fact, I usually don't call anyone beautiful. In the course of my life, I've only referred to one girl as being truly beautiful, and she knows who she is. As for everyone else, I find other ways to describe them. Pretty, nice looking, cute, hot, fine, etc. But never beautiful. So what made L look pleasant today though? I have no real idea. It might have been her eyes, which looked humble and down to earth. Or her hair which for once wasn't a distraction but instead a sense of attraction. Heck, it might have just been her outfit, blue overalls with a cool light baby blue short sleeve sheer t-shirt. But in all honestly, I think it was her smile. It seemed genuine and sincere for some reason. Then again, maybe it was just because I had a test today and was all out of it and she was a breath of fresh area, plus I hadn't seen her in a week.

I talked to her a bit and was about to pull my moment of weakness feeling again, but luckily, some guy was there so I didn't. She seemed pissed about that! Anyway, it's 5 now and I told myself that if I saw her tonight alone, maybe I'd ask her to go see Spider-Man.

Now keep in mind that when I consider if I ever thought if anyone is beautiful or not, I don't count my ex's. I mean isn't that biased? Aren't you supposed to look at the person you love in a different way? Of course in the course of our relationships, I'd be lying if I never thought they were beautiful. You should always see the person you love that way! Even if the person is so hideously unattractive, if you love them, they're beautiful, because beauty lies both beneath the skin and above it. And besides, if you spend enough time with someone, you grow to think of them as beautiful!

I know, I know, I'm screwed. At least I'm not screwed as bad as other people I know, *poke* *point* *poke*.

Big D saw me today sitting with JS. As usual, he gave me a quick glance out of the corner of his eye. And then 5 minutes later, he came back and walked right behind us, pretending to do some work. That sicko pervert is nasty. It's so obvious what he's doing, I sometimes wonder why he's still working here?

I had a quiz last night and test today. Last night, the quiz sucked. The professor sucks. He's so bad that a student asked a question right before the quiz, which turned out to be the first question on the quiz! And still no one was able to understand his explanation! I thought I kicked butt on the test today but when I was looking around while leaving, I was the only one with the particular answer. So either the whole class got it wrong, or I got it wrong. Damn, don't like those odds. Oh well, we'll see.

Note to myself: Since that stupid teacher can't teach if his life depended on it, go here and learn it yourself: http://mike.hazelwood.com/graph/

For instance, my ex would always complain about how things shouldn't be so hard. How if it was meant to be, then it was meant to be. But why such complacency? Are you really content to just sit there and let your relationship crumble because of some idealistic belief that love should just happen?

Look at family. That's supposed to be the epitome of love, the real life representation of unconditional love. No matter what you do or how badly you screw up, you always know that your family will be there to support and love you. Now think about it, do you ever get in fights with family members? Hell yeah! Of course! Anyone who says that they never argue with family is lying. But through it all, you work and you compromise. Some battles you win, some battles you lose. But my point is that you have to work at it, even with family where love is supposed to be unconditional.

So going back to relationships, if you can't even get a long with family without working at it, what makes you think that you can get along with a stranger and learn to love them as your closest confidant without putting in any effort? My ex would always question why I would work so hard at the relationship. Why wouldn't I? If something is worth it, isn't it worth working for? If anything, you should be working more at it too!

So, my friend called me last night. She needed my opinion about a tiff she and her boyfriend got in. It turns out he's upset with her for deciding to come home this weekend. I guess he wants to spend time with her, which in all honestly is an understandable desire. But come on, she's coming home to spend time with her parents and he sees her all the time. And especially since it's Mother's Day, I don't think he should get too upset. Besides, she wanted to compromise and say that she would come home only Sunday and she would be with him up until then, but he still was upset. So I told her to screw it, because she's trying to work it out with him and its his own fault if he's too selfish to compromise back. Anyway, I told her to let him blow off steam and he'll see how shallow the whole thing is.

Besides, family comes first anyway. True, I may be more familial than most guys out there, but after all, no one will ever be there for you as much as family. That's why to me, marriage is such a sanctimonious honor and shouldn't be toyed with lightly, because in essence you're allowing this other person to join in with your closest group of loved ones. And it may be the Asian mentality of thinking, but I don't like it how society in the US treats its elders. I mean how would you like it if you raised your kid and then when you turn 60 he places you in an old person house? And after caring and raising you for most of your life, is it too much to pay for them when you go out, instead of having to split the bill?

I would always got in arguments with my first girlfriend because she was the type that would yell at her mother. I'm talking straight up top of her lungs screaming. I told her she was being disrespectful and she told me to get real and mind my own business. Damn, glad I dumped her!

Another person who yells at her mom and doesn't care what she thinks is A. I found out yesterday that A is still mad at me and she mailed out graduation invitations to everyone except me. Is that supposed to bother me? Like I have nothing better to do with my time and money, especially for someone who thinks so little of our friendship? Did I ever explain why she's mad? Trivial and prissy! The last time some one annoyed me this much, I ended up not talking to her for over a year. And we still haven't really recovered. Shows you how girls are, if they don't get their way, they get mad for the worst reason. And I've got too much self respect nowadays to let them walk all over me like that. Females out there, care to defend yourselves?

Spider-Man was a pretty cool movie. Now I might go into some spoilers so for people who haven't seen the movie and don't want it ruined, go down to the next paragraph. Anyway, the action was intense and they stuck to the comics really well so I kind of knew where everything was going. The CG was pretty cool, but I could still tell when it was used. Overall, I thought it was better than X-Men but not as good as Batman or Superman. The reason it doesn't quite reach the level of classic is because there wasn't enough character development of the main villain. What was his motivation? I mean I understood his initial actions and motives, but it reaches a point where he didn't develop as a character anymore and just became a laughing idiot. Gene Hackman as Lex Luthor or Jack Nicholson as the Joker. Those were memorable antagonists. About the most development that the Green Goblin got was the mirror scene. If the movie showed more inner dialog, perhaps the character could have been more fleshed out. My big point is Mary Jane though. I like Kirsten Dunst and I think she did a great job, but I just think the MJ character is a bit too shallow and doesn't know what she wants. I guess that's how her character in the comics is, but I was hoping for more. The whole situation reminded me too much of Pearl Harbor. I just don't like the idea of a girl coming between two lifelong friends like that. So she loves one, fine, but don't love both. That's just wrong. But I guess I'm just old-fashioned that way.

As for the Scorpion King, let me just state for the record that I went into the movie with absolutely no expectations whatsoever, except that the movie would be a hashed remake of Conan with bad acting. To my pleasant surprise, it was quite entertaining. I guess being compared to Conan isn't necessarily a bad thing, because it is a classic and look what it did for Arnold. I mean it was obvious that ideas were stolen from Conan, Indiana Jones, and other action adventure movies, but it served its purpose: mindless popcorn fun. If you don't expect too much, then you won't be disappointed. I do have to point out that Kelly Hu is beautiful! I love her eyes, her face, her figure. I couldn't see anything wrong with her! And she was a good actress too. Talk about the whole package! Hopefully, this will be the breakthrough role she was looking for. We need a fresh Asian face in Hollywood. Anyway, the action was pretty cool, but at times it reminded me of a wrestling match in leather costumes. The story, though convoluted, was funny, with tons of cheesy lines. The tie in to the Mummy was lame, but The Rock manages to display some good on screen charm. All in all, it was pretty funny and entertaining. I must add that I couldn't find a single unattractive girl in the entire movie. Evidently ugly people didn't exist 5000 years ago

So both movies good enough to be DVD worthy. Spider-Man because it was a good movie, Scorpion King for the mindless action and the Hu factor. He he, I think I have over 300 DVD's already and there seems to be no end!

Change of subject. I know too many girls out there that suck. No offense, but girls always act innocent but they end up hurting the guy. I still remember how each of my ex's cheated on me, lied to my face, denied it when I tried confronting them about it, then was speechless when I caught them with the other guy. And you know what they did as I was moping and getting over them for the following months? Yep, they were already dating that other guy. Here's the problem, I raise a girl's confidence too high. Everyone around me says so, but I still can't seem to stop it. I guess I can't consciously be mean. I'm too nice and it's one of my flaws. But when I start dating a girl, she's just the typical girl. Then I'm always there for her, supporting and nurturing her. I spoil her and make her feel like the very special person she is to me. Then 3-4 years down the line, she goes through what all girls go through, that "hey maybe there's better out there" period. Especially when other guys throw her attention. Only now, her ego is so massively huge, mostly because I make her feel like she can do anything, and feels like she needs more freedom to date again. It's only after she's cheated on me and gone out with some other guy, usually for about a month or two, that she realizes he's a jerk. The kind of guy that goes here, and doesn't really care for her and only cares for the challenge. It's then that he hurts her, and who does she come running back to? Yep, yours truly. But by then, I'm tired of it all. I've forgiven, but I haven't forgotten.

While we're on the subject of challenge, why is that girls insist on playing idiotic mind games? Say that you like a guy. Why do you play hard to get, avoid him, pretend to think he doesn't even exist? I would kill for a cool girl to come up to me and just state that she likes me. And I know I'm not alone in thinking this either. Sometimes I think I'm getting too old to play all these mind games. Take L for instance. If she hadn't been playing this whole time, then maybe I would have made a move already. Instead, all her little mental plays have only succeeded in pushing me away. I know some girls out there rationalize it by saying that if the guy is interested enough, he'll try harder. I agree to a point, but I also should point out that it's stupid to let the guy of your dreams pass by because you're stuck living life through some rule book that states that you'll play hard to get. I mean eventually, the guy will realize that he's too good to let some girl lead him on like that. She doesn't place any value on the possible relationship by turning the whole thing into a game. Think about it, if you want the guy to respect you, respect him and his feelings back. Let him know how you feel, don't play and screw around with his mind and his heart!

And you want to know why a girl always complains that there are no nice guys out there? Is it because all guys are jerks? No! It's because those same girls are too busy looking for and complaining about jerks to notice the nice guys right in front of them, the same guys that they are complaining too! Comments? Rebuttals? Mail Me.

I was watching a talk show before going to class today. They were discussing whether monogamy is natural for human beings. Their conclusion? That humans exist to procreate and that by limiting the number of partners we have, it goes against nature. The audience, which were women by the way, claimed that's why all men are dogs. And yet as the host went around interviewing the audience, it seemed to me that it was the women that actually cheated. Hypocrites! From my experience, it's always the girls that hurt the guys. And when it is the guy's fault, it usually because the guy is a jerk and a playa and she already knew it ahead of time anyway. As usual, the nice guy ends up being hurt. And why is that girls always hook up with bad boys hoping that they would change? Guys never change! Girls change though. I remember a quote I heard somewhere. Guys hook up with girls hoping they never change. Girls hook up with guys hoping they do.

We men are not little projects that you girls can work on. When I asked one of my girl friends why she went out with this loser, she replied that she knew he was no good but she was hoping she could change him. My question to her was why and she couldn't even answer me!

You see the girl up there? Notice anything? Besides those beautiful almond eyes that stare straight into your soul. Not too much make up right? And what's there is done very tastefully rght? Very cute! I saw this one girl the other day. She wore so much makeup it looked like she was wearing paint! I could literally see the layers of crud and crap building up in her pores, cracks, and crevices. When she smiled, you could see the paste come oozing out of the wrinkles. Talk about nasty! I want to see her face, not layers of paste!

You know what I prefer? Not too much makeup. Or more specifically, put it on right, highlighting and accentuating rather than hiding. I mean that way, you know she's beautiful the way she is. What if you fall for someone and you end up with them? When you wake up in the morning next to them, you're like "Whoa, what the hell?" You're not the person I fell for! If you can love someone for who they are instead of the way they look, then you know you really love them. It's love and not just lust.

There's this girl in my class whom I affectionately call "plain girl," Yep, she's plain. Did you ever see A Walk to Remember? Well, she's the Asian version of Jamie Sullivan. She's so plain, it's unbelievable. I think she even tries to be plain! I have no idea where she even gets her clothes, because even the local Target and Kmart Stores sport flashier outfits! And her hair is the typical Asian bowl hair cut with bangs. Plain pants, plain bag, even plain pencils. It's almost funny how plain she is. But I must say that it makes her special that way. And she's very nice and very polite. Friendly and sincere too. See, that's a cool girl. Too bad she's not Vietnamese or a Buddhist. What's my point? It's the inner beauty that counts. Outer beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

By the way, don't use Netscape to view my site. It looks atrocious but I'm too lazy to optimize so just use IE instead.

Speaking of destroying humanity, yesterday was April 30th, the anniversary of the day that the US pulled out of Vietnam and the fall of Saigon. You know that historic footage of the helicopter above the US embassy as people race up the ladders? Yep, that was the day those damn communists took over. Anyway, things are really hectic in Little Saigon. The American and South Vietnamese flags are waiving in the air, there are protests being held, and petitions signed at the Civic Center pushing for human rights in Vietnam. Stupid classes, I wish I could have gone. But let's just take a moment of silence to honor all those American and Vietnamese soldiers and civilians that lost their lives defending freedom.

Okay. Here's a picture of Shayla, the Vietnamese Singer who recently signed a contract with an American publishing company and got her CD released. You probably already know that, so anyway, she's in an interview with Jade Magazine this month. Stop on by and read it and show your support. She's from Australia originally. And Trish is from Texas originally. Where are all the girls around here????????????

I heard on the news that women make 80% of the decisions about where to go for vacation and what do to while they're there. What's up with that? Anyway, the story was about the new Space Race and the future Space Tourism Industry. Hell yeah! Plans are set at $98,000 a pop to travel into space for a few minutes. I'm doing it! Hopefully before I die, I'll be able to step foot on the Moon! Next to my newly created Robot of course. R2-D2 anyone?

Funny Big D story. The man actually uses the security cameras to check out girls! And as I was walking trough the hall, he's standing there in front of the lab, peeking in through the door. For like five minutes too! The man doesn't even have the guts to open it fully and walk in. So he just stands there watching, like the peeping tom he is. I wouldn't be surprised if I found out he has the girl's bathroom secretly bugged. Anyway, so he sees me and decides to take off. Evidently I intimidate a lot of people around here for some reason. So I go into the Tech Room to have some paper added to my account. While I was there, I decided to add it for Z as well since she was busy. "No Shoes" was helping me, but then Big D walks in. Ah, I'm on his turf now, so no longer intimidated, he comes up and looks at the screen as "No Shoes" is entering my data. Z is a girl by the way. Anyway, when he sees Z's data, he lights up and gives a smirk to me and "No Shoes." Damn dude, that man is a sicko!

You know how all women have monthly cycles? And that those cycles are accompanied by mood swings right? I swear though, men have them too. It's one of those secretly documented features of the male psyche that no one will openly admit except me. Once every 2 or 3 months, I become terrible depressed, lonely, etc. And these times are usually preceded by PMS. as well. Yep, Periodically Missing Someone... It's my time lately, and I've been thinking a little too much.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm putting too much emphasis on finding the right girl. Dating should be fun, right? Why am I so fixated on finding someone for the long run? These girls that I know now... so they're not Buddhist. Should I discount them because of that? I know its wrong. And I think I'm getting lonely and desperate. My head says don't waste your time with someone that will present problems, but in my gut, I still find myself feeling certain things.

I had a moment of weakness yesterday. I saw L sitting in one of the labs alone as I was walking to class. So throughout class, I found myself unable to concentrate. I said that if she was there when I got back and still alone, that I would ask her if she wanted to go grab some dinner or something. As serendipity would have it, there she was when I walked out of class. So I started talking to her. I found out she had a test today and was studying. I figured, good. What kind of goober would ask a girl out when she's studying right? But then she starts talking to me and it was cool. For some reason, I still felt compelled to ask her. Right when I was about to, another friend sees me and yells hi to me and asks me what I'm doing. I tell him I'm about to go home and grab some food. At this point, I start logging off my machine and I was about to ask her to join me. But then I notice that she's logging off too.

It turns out that she was going to ask her professor some questions, so she said bye and hopped on out of there. But I was leaving too, so we left together. So we leave the lab and I still could ask at this point, but then she smiles and starts hopping/zooming off. And I mean at a very fast rate. Was she scared of me? When she was a bit ahead of me, she turned her head back to see if I was still there and when she saw me she smiled. So what is up with that? Is she scared, intimidated, playing hard to get, etc? So there you go. Serendipity put in a position where I was about to ask her out, but then it also saved me the experience by having her hop on out of there before I could do it. I'm screwed, what should I do about her? She's not my type, but then again, what the hell do I really know about what my type is? I think I'm just lonely...